


HIDAN AND KAKUZU HATE EACH OTHER LIKEALOT

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Explicit Language, Fire, Gen, Humor, Immortal Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-01
Updated: 2008-08-01
Packaged: 2017-11-16 02:25:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hidan is annoying, so Kakuzu lights him on fire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	HIDAN AND KAKUZU HATE EACH OTHER LIKEALOT

At the end of the day Kakuzu always sat and counted his cash at least twice, making sure his funds weren't so much as a penny short. He'd sit and observe money accumulated at the end of the day carefully, marveling in the alluring sight and hypnotic smell of what he lived for. Money was the only thing he believed in, and the only thing that brought joy into his otherwise shitty days. You can just imagine how poorly he reacts when the ritual is broken. Unfortunately for him, it is almost every night.

You see, after he'd counted his money each night he'd been lulled into a state of bliss that lasted all of two seconds. He would turn off the table lamp, crawl into bed, and have the sound of Hidan's snoring cracking his ear drums. That stupid fuck of a shit really got on Kakuzu's nerves. At least back at the hideout he had the option of sleeping FAR FAR away from Hidan. He'd rather sleep in a fucking TREE than in the same room as Hidan. But alas, tonight that was not to be. They were trying keep a low profile (keyword: TRYING), so they had to stay at an inn. A CHEAP one, because paying precious money to sleep in a place too extravagant was the biggest waste of money in the world.

Every time after sleeping in an inn with Hidan he told himself he'd spring the extra cash for separate bedrooms. When that time came, though, he deemed it somehow necessary to save his money, thus putting him through this hell. Again. He has killed a man for snoring in the past, I shit you not! He has also killed men for smoking stuff that wasn't weed, for making an offhanded remark about something totally irrelevant and unnecessary, for eating too loud, for making a mess of their sleeping quarters, for farting, for TOUCHING HIS MONEY WHATFUCKINGNERVE. And sometimes he'd killed them just for the hell of it. Kakuzu was cool like that.

He's attempted to kill Hidan for snoring in the past. He smothered the man with a pillow until his lungs ached so much that he flew himself off the bed and gagged. He stabbed him in forty different places until he was almost out of blood. He commented on his body being in an excruciating amount of pain, and it being too FUCKING cold in there and CLOSE THE WINDOW. Kakuzu couldn't kill Hidan no matter what, so he liked making his "kills" interesting.

He took a flask out of his pack and lifted a bitter and burning liquid that would perhaps floor him to his lips. While his thoughts were still coherent, he observed the flask and thought of something brilliant! It was likely to blow their cover, but hell. Kakuzu was in a bad mood. Since the rat bastard bitched about being "too cold" last time, Kakuzu could dump the rest of his shit on Hidan's bed and light a match. He's always wanted to set someone on fire!

So that's just what he did. He toasted to a nightly victory, poured the alcohol all over Hidan's sheets, lit a match, and the bed burst into a perfect sea of flames. Kakuzu laughed his ass off, grabbed his money and his cloak, and high-tailed it the fuck out of there. As he descended from the flight of stairs, and dashed past the oblivious receptionist sleeping on the job, he heard a gut curdling scream from their room. He was out the door before anyone could notice him.

Just as he exited the building, Hidan came crashing through their window, and fell a good four floors down right on his front. By now the entire top floor was in flames, and there was no hope left for that building. As for Hidan, he was busy rolling the last of the flames from his cloak. There wasn't much cloak left. Actually, there wasn't much skin left either. Kakuzu laughed again.

"Stop, drop, and roll, huh?" said Kakuzu, helping Hidan in no way, shape, or form through his predicament.

"FUCK YOU. JUST, FUCK YOU!" screamed Hidan. He wasn't the only one who was screaming. The rest of the building had begun to collapse, and the handful of patrons was having a difficult time finding the exit, apparently. "WHAT THE FUCK'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?? THIS IS NO JOKE, GODDAMNFUCK, I'M HURTIN'!"

"You'd be dead, too, if you were anyone else," said Kakuzu, obviously feeling no guilt. Well, he satiated his lust for causing pain today. Now on to the next town before anybody noticed them. "Now shut up and let's go!"

"YOU'RE FUCKING SICK AND TWISTED, YOU GODDAMNFUCK. I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON DICK AND DIE."

"Likewise, however unlikely it may be."

THE END


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